FHC #2 – Family [3 pages]

Concerns of “Linguistic Beings”

Body, Family, Work, Play and Sociability

We are born into our family.  It, too, is given to us.  Families are natural networks of conversations about life that extend into our communities and out into the world.  We learn or couple to these conversations as we grow up.

Because we are “linguistic beings” our nervous system enables us to learn the language of our parents by simply hanging out with them.  It’s called “reciprocal co-ontogenic structural coupling”, or “coupling”, for short.

That’s why, for instance, we never hear about children raised in Texas who spontaneously begin speaking Chinese, Hebrew or Arabic, instead of English like their parents.

When we are children our nervous systems are especially capable of coupling to the language and culture in which we live. 

As we age, we continue to “couple” to the narratives spoken around us recurrently, unless we reflect and prevent it. 

For instance, many businesspeople “couple” to entertaining and political narratives about business that distract them from earning a living to take care of their family, ruin their moods and business narratives, and thwart their financial, career and business intentions.  

They are unaware their nervous systems are coupling automatically to the narratives and do not know the consequences the distraction, bad moods and thwarted intentions are causing.

Because we are also “historical beings” our family is a network of traditional and cultural narratives about life.  When we couple to them, or learn them, we learn that our family is its own domain of concerns and practices and that they are larger than our own individual concerns.

Everyone in our family is concerned with taking care of their specific versions of these fundamental human concerns.

And, because everyone is a “Self” we also learn that everyone in our family has identities with themselves and everyone else.

Identities are essential to our ability to survive, adapt and live a good life.

They inform us who is trustworthy, valuable, has authority, can lead us in different challenging situations and dignified, and who is not.

Family is “existential” in the sense that businesspeople must act competitively enough, or earn enough money, to afford the goods and services every family needs to help them take care of its most fundamental concerns, e.g., housing, food, education, etc., or the family cannot survive, adapt to changing circumstances and live a good life.

Every family and family member needs help from others every day, all day.

And every family transacts for it using money, barter, trade, favors or by sharing work.

Family is “existential” when businesspeople get married and make commitments to take care of and help their spouse to survive, adapt and live a good life. 

Fulfilling marital commitments to one’s spouse and raising one’s children so that they are not stressed and can live a good life are deeply meaningful and satisfying choices businesspeople make. 

No one is required to make commitments to get married or have children.  It’s an adult’s choice and privilege.  It’s something most adults want to do.

Fulfilling these commitments and obligations to spouses and children is deeply meaningful and satisfying to most adults.

Doing one’s best to fulfill marriage vows and commitments to children in order to live a good and meaningful life enthusiastically and passionately, must include earning and saving enough money to afford 25+ years of unemployment during old age in IR#4. 

Family is also existential because it’s where people eventually “land” as they age.

When we are young, full of energy and seriously challenged to learn how to earn a living to take care of our families, we go out into The World to seek and exploit opportunities.

Along the way, the challenges, excitement and exhaustion can cause us to forget how important our family really is to fulfill our intentions to survive, adapt and live a good life as we eventually reach middle and old age.

Eventually, however, as we mature, settle down, learn how The World really works and are able to celebrate some accomplishments, the only group of people with whom we can do that is our Family.

But, if we have not lived with dignity or earned and saved enough money so our spouses and children can see our virtues and admire them, our “landing” is empty and full of resentment, distrust and disrespect. 

We may be tolerated, and even loved because that is what children do, but we won’t and can’t be respected unless we earn it.

Taking care of one’s spouse and children with dignity does not include being casual about running out of money with one’s spouse in old age and becoming a “parent tax” on one’s children, in-laws and grandchildren.

Businesspeople who are casual about fulfilling their marital commitments face a future without dignity, an unfulfilled marriage and unhappy children and in-laws when everyone realizes the truth and finds themselves forced to deal with the consequences.

In the marketplace, knowledge of Family is “strategic” and an incredibly powerful “Source of Power” when businesspeople include the concern in their offers, practices, narratives and strategies with colleagues, employees, employers, vendors, competitors and customers in ways that enable them to (1) execute current strategies, (2) improve strategies and (3) make new strategies, or action plans, possible.

It is “competitive” when businesspeople design their fresh, new offers, practices, narratives and strategies to be more helpful than those made by their competitors, or with marginal utilities that are highly valued and scarce relative to demand.